I understand! In America, we like to be unique, and different, and honestly, in America, we make some pretty weird and useless crap.
As for holiday inventions? These take the cake.
Cloth Bottle Cover with a Santa Claus Design; US Patent #D481,267 (2003)
For one month everyone else's binge drinking outshines your year-round problem. Keep your beloved bottles of booze warm and toasty in a wintry cloth bottle cover with a Santa design. Suddenly an alcohol problem becomes a cute quirk!
Kit for Simulating a Visit from Santa Claus; US Patent#116,049 (2006)
If you weren't sure how to leave crumbs on a plate or forge a note from Santa yourself, this handy-dandy all inclusive "kit for simulating a visit from Santa Claus" gives step by step instructions on how to pull one over on a four-year-old. Includes reindeer hoof print maker.
Now they are messing with the story of Christmas too?!
Nativity Scene Including Santa and Rudolph; US Patent #D587,161 (2009)
"Away in a manger no crib for a bed, the little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head, and if you ever saw it you would really say it glows." This Nativity scene is also available with Frosty the Snowman, The Grinch, or Macauly Caulkin.