This magical children’s family adventure is full of the usual Disney fare and does a great job of mixing live action and animation. Therefore you’re probably wondering how on Earth such a wholesome movie as this could have anything to do with drugs…
Think about it for a second, when Mary Poppins pops open the medicine they go on an inexplicable journey; jumping into a painting, ride a merry-go-round through a cartoon fox-hunt and eventually a horse race, which Mary wins.
Spoonful of sugar my backside! Remember this was set in 1910 so drugs like opium were still legal and in regular use, although the film sounds like more of an LSD trip
Scooby Doo and Shaggy
He’s an a bit of a hippie, easy-going, constantly hungry and he talks to his dog… and it answers back. Okay, this one is pretty obvious, Shaggy and his dog are stoners. The constant mellow, finding everything funny, the sudden freak-outs and the ridiculous appetites all point to some serious weed usage. In the case of Scooby Doo the appetite is probably because he’s a dog, those beasties will eat until they puke… then they’ll eat that too.
Now I know we never see them light up or seen evidence of a bong so how are they getting their hit? Two words, Scooby Snacks!
It’s amazing how many baked treats will get you baked and Scooby Snacks are probably their alternative to pot brownies.
Popeye cartoons are good clean wholesome fun and are all about standing up for yourself and doing the right thing… right?
Well let’s take a closer look at it, apparently Popeye somehow gets super strength from eating spinach. While it’s a great way to get kids to eat veggies, I’m not buying it and not because the closest thing I’ve ever had to a salad is bacon.
Just look at his forearms! There is nothing natural that could cause that kind of muscle growth, and the way he flies off the handle and smashes people through walls only add to the evidence that Popeye is clearly on steroids.
Fortunately for a show about a ‘roided up guy hanging around the shore it was at least entertaining and it could’ve been a lot worse…
A small group of nervous weird looking people holed up in a cave and terrified of going outside is pretty suspicious, of course they also talk to a massive pile of rubbish and eat glass. How much do you want to bet that these little weirdos are all on crystal meth? Hell the thing that the Fraggles are building in the middle of their cave looks like some kind of primitive meth lab.
No… Really? Could E.T. actually be on drugs?
Well, let’s look at the evidence. At the very outset of the film E.T. and his ‘plant enthusiast’ friends are wandering around acting suspicious in the woods. When the police turn up they run for it, leaving a dazed and confused E.T. to wander around aimlessly and end up napping in a strangers shed. Now if that doesn’t sound like someone busted a ‘grow operation’ (and sampling the merchandise) I don’t know what does.
To add to it E.T. has a load of trouble communicating coherently, has a series case of the munchies and sits around playing with children’s toys and watching cartoons. He’s clearly a pot-head.
Who’s to say what really goes on in the mind of an elephant, but when you believe you can fly and start hallucinating evil pink elephants dancing their way toward you it’s probably fair to say that you’re probably on a bad acid trip.
It sort of begs the question; who would slip a baby elephant stupidly strong hallucinogenic drugs?
So what if he’s a big purple dinosaur, who isn’t? This big family friendly creature sings about love and sharing. But he’s clearly a T-Rex! Shouldn’t he be busy going all ‘Jurassic Park’ on the kids rather than hugging them and singing all the time? Well I can think of one thing that will have you wanting to continually sing, dance and hug random strangers. Barney is on ecstasy!
He’s always slow, worn out and depressed. His speech is a long drawn out drawl and he has little to no enthusiasm for anything. Chances are he’s on some of the strongest downers around. My guess is that he’s hooked on barbiturates, dangerous to be on them and almost as dangerous to come off.
Okay, last of the Winnie the Pooh characters on the list (because we could probably do them all). Tigger is a bit of an odd one, the constant hyperactivity might suggest speed or cocaine but he’s just too damn upbeat and friendly with none of the associated paranoia. At a guess I’d probably say he’s mostly on ecstasy, notice how he doesn’t notice other people’s personal space and how great he thinks everything is all the time?
Wile E. Coyote
Borderline suicidal determination and focus on acts of violence with a tendency toward completely irrational acts. He keeps getting up and fighting on long after he should have been put down, barely acknowledges the crippling pain he should be feeling from his injuries and doesn’t know when to give up. He’s either Wolverine’s half-witted cousin or he’s on some PCP or angel dust.
It’s not really hard to imagine this muppet on a wide variety of drugs. His wild behaviour is nicely complimented by an erratic appearance. Let’s be honest, he’s basically a small red Keith Moon but without the passing out on stage or dying bit. With that in mind it’s easily possible that he’s on a similar list of drugs ranging from cocaine to horse tranquilisers.
Oscar the Grouch
Oscar is in some serious trouble, so it’s amazing that nobody on Sesame Street seems to want to do anything to help. He’s living in a bin, he’s argumentative, jaded and shies away from contact with people and has little to no interest in other peoples problems. Chances are he’s a little bit of a crack fiend.
To make matters worse he also appears to be made entirely of weed, which sort of explains those rare mellow moments.