While it’s not our normal mandate, we’ll cover the occasional music video if we deem it enough of sufficient artistic achievement to warrant attention, such as “Thanksgiving” or “Friday.” And “Mass Text” by Tay Allyn certainly seems to qualify. It’s closer to putting an ice pick in both your ears than anything created up until this point. Eat your heart out, Adam Levine.
It’s a song that tells a story, and it begins with a simple scenario, a mass-text party invite, which our protagonist apparently didn’t receive, much to her chagrin, and quickly deteriorates into Allyn demanding to know “WHY DIDN’T I GET YOUR MASS TEXT? I’M IN YOUR CONTACTS!” over and over like a deranged clingy sorority girl from the deepest bowels of hell. Part of me feels bad for contributing to the ubiquitousness of this inevitably-viral video, but it simply demanded to be shared. I guarantee this video is ten times scarier than Evil Dead.