Sorry, there's nothing you can do about it. Life is a goddamned bully.
4. "Wait–were you thirsty for some sweet, sweet Coke? How about you just get to look at the can and imagine how it tastes?"
6. "What, did you think a steak knife could actually cut through butter? I guess that's your fault for being such a shit-slurping fool."
12. "That's what you get for trying to be clean and sanitary. Also, I figure now is a good time to tell you that you're adopted and your parents want to return you to the orphanage."
14. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to have a pleasant walk on this nice trail? Tough shit, get on the grass like the scum you are."
19. "Now you'll never be able to wipe again without imagining spiders. How does that feel? Is it scary? 'Cause I'd be scared if I were you."
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