DogTV, which launched Thursday on DirecTV, is a 24-hour pay channel providing programming designed and produced to appeal to canines.
The channel is divided into three kinds of programs, “Relaxation,” “Stimulation” and “Exposure.” Programs run three to six minutes and give dogs either soothing pastoral scenes or provide them with snippets of everyday life that normally cause anxiety, such as someone ringing the doorbell.
Look, I get what you’re trying to do here. I do. You’re trying to point out that there are better things a person can do with five dog-related dollars a month, because dogs may not be 100% biologically designed to sit back and watch television all day. Fine. You’re probably right. But allow me to present this counterpoint: SSSSSHHHHHUUUUUUUTTTTTT UUUUUUUUUUPPP. Shut the hell up. Think really hard about what you want to say, form a cohesive argument, and then take it to your graves without sharing it with anyone. For God’s sake, THERE IS A TV CHANNEL FOR DOGS NOW. TV. FOR. DOGS. Even if its only viewers turn out to bestoned college students, this is an important moment in history. (I’d rank it just behind the invention of the light bulb.) Let’s give it, like, a week before you crap all over it with your “science” and your “quotes from animal experts.” I mean, Jesus Christ, look at this video.