Avast! Just kidding, we don’t even know what avast means. But it’s International Talk Like a Pirate Day, so people are just chucking it around like it’s their business. It’s pretty annoying. For a number of reasons. Let’s discuss them!
You see this picture?
Of course, these aren’t the pirates everybody is imitating. They’re probably thinking more of the sea dogs and buccaneers from a few centuries ago. Of course, it’s nice to remember that those guys were murderous, thieving slave traders, who had no qualms with stealing food and medicine from civilians, or plundering (you know robbing and killing a bunch of people) for a profit. Edward Teach, aka Blackbeard the pirate, once informed prisoners that he would send their heads to the Governor of South Carolina if he didn’t get the medical supplies he required. Hilarious!
It’s not that we hate fun. We had a blast on International Guacamole Day. This is just … not that fun. For example, this is what happens when International Talk Like a Pirate Day takes off. We can probably all agree that less of this would be a good thing.