Diablo Cody’s directorial debut, Paradise, hits DirecTV this Friday, something that was only announced last week, via Cody herself on Twitter. It doesn’t seem like a carefully planned roll-out strategy, but I’m wearing mismatched socks right now so I’m not one to judge. It has a limited theatrical run scheduled for October, and stars former non-star star of Dancing with the Stars Julianne Hough as a conservative southern gal who goes to Vegas after getting “barbecued in jet fuel” during a plane crash. She gets to Vegas and meets up with Russell Brand, and they’re already halfway to a Rock of Ages reunion! Ooh, sing some Speedwagon!

Though it threatens to be subsumed by Ender's Game author Orson Scott Card's long history of controversial anti-gay stances, his book is considered by many a landmark science fiction novel, and the upcoming movie adaptation from X-Men Origins Wolverine director Gavin Hood is hotly anticipated. It opens November 1st, starring Harrison Ford and Asa Butterfield from Hugo, and today we have not a full trailer, but a shorter teaser for the full trailer. Nonetheless, as you'll see, it's more than enough to prove that Ender's Game contains all of the things that you've come to require of a sci-fi action movie!

On Saturday night, HBO will air the new original film Clear History, starring Larry David, Bill Hader, Jon Hamm, Kate Hudson, Michael Keaton, Philip Baker Hall, Eva Mendes, JB Smoove and Danny McBride, and I assume that all of us comedy nerds are going to laugh ourselves into dorky slumber. At least, that’s the safe assumption, as it’s very difficult to imagine a film with that kind of cast and written by David, Jeff Schaffer, David Mandel and Alec Berrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg to be anything but hilarious. Fortunately, HBO has released three new clips to give us a little taste of the HAHAs before Saturday, and I guess these will have to do. If it helps, try knocking yourselves unconscious so that you’ll wake up with amnesia and then watch them all over again like you’ve never seen them before. Sure, you’ll have no idea who those other people in your home are, but you’re better off never dealing with your stupid wiener kids again anyway.

Drake and Kanye West have had a pretty cold relationship over the last few years…bordering on an under-the-radar feud. Part of the reason is their massive egos, but the two rappers just couldn’t seem to get on the same page. They’d throw shots at each other (Kanye accusing Drake’s producer of jocking his styles) or passive aggressive little one-ups (Drake being seen hanging out with Amber Rose), but it now seems to be over. As part of Drake’s massive OVO Fest show in Canada, he brought out everyone from TLC to Diddy and Mase. But the biggest surprise came when Kanye West came out and performed “New Slaves.” Then the bromance went into full effect with each rapper praising the other to the extreme. Kanye said he and Jay DASH Z wouldn’t have made Watch The Throne if not for Drake’s music putting pressure on them to make a classic. Then Drake said he only raps because Kanye inspired him. If you’re looking for videos, our guy Nigel over at Real Talk NY will have them up shortly since he was in attendance. All in all, it looks like OVO Fest is the rap show to be at from now on. Who saw that coming?

When we we last left our protagonists (?), Walt and Jesse found out cooking meth wasn't as glamorous as they had thought. How will they deal with a maniac for a boss? Walt's illness? Idiot friends? New competition? Click onward for the answers, and rediscover a world where turtles are as dangerous as laying down under an ATM machine.

Here are a couple things that happen in the first minute or so of Internet heroes Rhett and Link’s newest video, a Breaking Bad musical starring children: 1) While singing an upbeat intro song, four children use the symbols from the periodic table to spell out “CANCER”; and 2) Child Walter White explains that he is going to begin making the purest rock candy the town has ever seen, then Child Jesse Pinkman (who is AMAZING in this) walks out and the two of them have the following conversation: Child Jesse: Yo, Mr. White. It’s me, your former student, Jesse. I hear you’re breaking bad now. Child Walter: That’s right, Jesse. Wanna take my life savings and buy an RV and make candy in the desert? Child Jesse: Sounds like an awesome decision. And it gets even better — and way, WAY darker — from there. I won’t spoil it for you, but let’s just say that Child Gus Fring is at least as badass as his adult counterpart. A+ for everyone involved.

Lil Bub is undoubtedly one of the most popular cats online. With a massive following on all major social networks (see below), she’s truly one-of-a-kind. Aside from being absolutely adorable, her unique traits are quite fascinating. Discovered as the runt of a healthy feral litter in a tool shed in rural Indiana, she was taken in as a rescue, born with a multitude of genetic anomalies such as:

For today's aww-worthy moment, we present to you these adorable photos of polar bears performing water ballet! Shot by Russian photographer Olga Gladysheva, the images show a polar bear cub as well as an adult gleefully tumbling, soaring and diving into beautiful blue waters. If these photos don't make you smile, I don't know what will.

After receiving a surge of attention and countless messages praising her for her Earth cake, self-taught cook Rhiannon (aka cakecrumbs) decided to try her hand at baking a structural layer cake of another planet—Jupiter. Unlike her first planetary dessert, featuring only one hemisphere, this one would be a complete sphere. Continuously learning from her experimental baking projects, Rhiannon had an easier time constructing Jupiter. She was awarded more room for artistic liberties with the time saved on figuring out how to appropriately construct the cake. As a result, her completed Jupiter Structural Layer Cake is an astounding display, boasting the large planet's detailed atmosphere.

While some artists have mastered the Photoshop brushes to give some of their models a much needed face or eye lift, Russian artist Vadim Andreev uses those from the make-up artist kit. And his results are sometimes so jaw-dropping it’s hard to believe the pictures weren’t retouched! Using only cosmetics, Vadim transforms women into stunning cover girls, and can do an equally good job with carnival make-up as well. No wonder there’s a popular saying in Russia that before you marry, you should take your bride to the sauna first – there you can you can see the real person, without all the cosmetics that can deceive you greatly. It’s an old saying/tradition long before the Photoshop era – so today this sauna test is probably even more important than ever before.

Yarnbombing has been gaining momentum as a form of street art all over the world, but Polish crocheting artist Olek demonstrates what a real challenge is: in mid July she crocheted an entire locomotive in Lodz, Poland, that will be on display through August 19th. This is by far the largest project this New York-based artist has completed. It took Olek and her four assistants 2 days of round the clock work to finish the installation. The artist was so dedicated to the project, that after flying in to Poland she didn’t even have to time change her gown and mask from a ball in London she had gone to!

Italian artist Giuseppe Colarusso, aka Mister Solo, redesigns ordinary objects as playful, nonsensical items in his series titled Improbabilitá, translated as Unlikely. Clearly inspired by Fluxus, Dada, and the works of Marcel Duchamp, the artist presents a whimsical array of everyday objects whose core components have been substituted with opposing elements. By replacing the handles of cutlery and eating utensils with strands of rope, Colarusso redefines their usability and purpose, ultimately rendering the objects useless. Even some of the unique designs like a two-container mug sounds like a good idea at first, but once you really think about it, it's bound to lead to disaster in the form of spilled liquid. Colarusso's unconventional take on the ordinary offers a quirky outlook that aids in defining what the norm is while signifying the importance of design.

These days we take Wi-Fi for granted, this invisible energy field that keeps us all constantly connected wherever we are in the world. But do you know how it was initially created? It was actually the by-product of a fail research project conducted by one John O’Sullivan an Australian radioastronomer. At the time he was trying to detect exploding mini black holes the size of an atomic particle, but instead found a solution that made wireless LAN fast and reliable. Not a bad days work in the office I’m sure you’ll agree. But if we could see it, what would Wi-Fi actually look like? Thankfully Dr. Vogel a professor and former NASA employee teamed up with visual artist Nickolay Lamm to answer just that question.

He’s been labeled by the French authorities as a vandal, even so far as being fined €400 for his actions. But that hasn’t deterred French artist Clet Abraham from prowling the streets of Europe adding his own irreverent twist to traffic signs for the past 2 years. How does is he able to do it? In the depths of the night, a friend gives him a leg up and he quickly plasters the stickers onto the sign before vanishing without a trace into the shadows. Europe’s weary commuters and pedestrians then wake up to his wonderfully inventive work the following morning. His humorous and subversive designs certainly makes the roads and alleyways of Europe a lot more interesting don’t you think? Let’s keep it that way, if you have happen to catch him in the act, turn a blind eye will you?

Chris Brown paid $15,000 to get a new paint job for his Lamborghini that matches his Nike Air Foamposite Fighter Jet sneakers.

This black van is fairly unremarkable from the outside but you will be surprised at what it is hiding inside…

There is violence in many countries around the world but in South Africa, people are terrorized on the streets by rather unusual attackers.

Wego the Goldendoodle is the winner of the pet portion of the lookalike contest held in Palm Springs. Great Marilyn Monroe dog costume.

Considering the devastating way series two ended, and the trio of disappointments of Benedict Cumberbatch’s Star Trek Into Darkness, Martin Freeman’s The Hobbit (I hate any movie that proves Kevin Smith right), and Steven Moffat’s Doctor Who series seven, the world needs Sherlock more than ever. Thankfully, it’s returning sometime in early 2014, a close enough date that BBC can begin releasing teaser trailers that say nothing and EVERYTHING. In the clip below, we see Sherlock reuniting with all his not-quite-friends-more-like-acquaintances-and-well-wishers, including a mustached Watson, who since we’ve last seen him has apparently joined the adult entertainment industry. That’s certainly going to give the Cumberbitches something to GIF about.

The thing that we want the most from our newscasters is for them to always tell the truth — no positive spins, no bullsh*t, no outright lies, just the facts. That’s why Kerryn Johnston, an Australian anchor for WIN News, deserves to sweep the Truthies later this year, given out to only the most truthy trustworthy truth-tellers in the land. On Wednesday, she begin a news rehearsal with, “Good evening. Tonight, I’m going to sound like a drunk.” Of course, this would-be blooper was accidentally broadcast on air, but hey, at least she was accurate, not covering up her fake indiscretions with sinful fibs. Somewhere, Aaron Sorkin has a massive erection. This is his porn.

This is so awesome and so sad: 13-year-old Peyton Arens was diagnosed with a connective tissue cancer known as rhabdomyosarcoma earlier this year, and rather than meet Buzz Lightyear or SpongeBob SquarePants or something lame like that, he asked the Make-a-Wish Foundation if he could join Pantera’s Phil Anselmo on stage and shred. So, he did. Arens met up Anselmo, who now plays with a band called the Illegals, in Tulsa, Arizona (where they know nothing about “Illegals”) on Tuesday, and absolutely tore up “Walk.” I know he’s just a teenager and all, but I really hope that kid got some tail backstage after the show. He deserved it.

Imagine a rich, evil character from a cartoon. What one motion could that character do to instantly let you know that they’re rich and evil? Meet this asshole, a spectator at Ireland’s Galway Races, a popular horse-racing track we’d write about more on the sports side of UPROXX if had gorgeous breasts or pretended to fight. He’s standing in the background in a rainstorm during a televised interview with betting magnate Barry Orr (as in “we don’t trust the banks, so Barry Orr money”). When his face gets moist, he wipes it … but he does so using A FIFTY DOLLAR BILL. Because he can. Watch the clip below.

DEATH GRIPS R SO PUNK THEY DON’T EVEN SHOW UP AT THEIR OWN SHOWS. "Last night, Death Grips were tapped to play an officially sanctioned Lollapalooza aftershow at the Bottom Lounge in Chicago. They didn’t show up. According to several reports from Reddit and Twitter, after learning that the band wouldn’t play, fans proceeded to destroy their equipment, including a drum kit that was presumably Zach Hill’s. " DEATH GRIPS R SO PUNK THEY TAKE GMAIL SCREENSHOTS OF THEIR FANS’ SUICIDE NOTES. Wait, what? "Before it was announced that the band was a no show, the venue played recordings of Death Grips. The stage was set up with a backdrop that featured a Gmail screenshot of a suicide note, which was allegedly written by a Death Grips fan. Reddit user jadesaddiction transcribed the full note: SUBJECT: ready DATE: July 9 I am ready to take my own life. Many bad experiences led me to this dark void that I am locked in. Maybe by my own hands? I don’t really care anymore. I just wanted to say thank you for showing me the other side. the side that is locked away deep inside a person. I am mad. Mad all the time and depressed all the time. I can’t take it. I’m not afraid of dying but i am afraid that I can’t hear DG in the after life if there is such a thing. I don’t know, but I hope your music transcends to the unknown. A place where DG’s essence exists. A place where art exists. I love art. That’s the one thing that kept me alive? this long. So just to ease minds, DG didn’t “influence” me to do this. this is my own fucking choice. but thanks for making my life a little better. you’re my absolute fave and I will fight the gods if they don’t allow me to follow DG’s efforts can’t see Earth. Anyways, continue doing great things. I love you Stefan, Zach, and Andy. I will be watching. -AJJ " DEATH GRIPS R SO PUNK I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY AFTER READING THAT. Sorry.

Creepy puppeteer? Check. Creepy Christian puppeteer? Check. Creepy Christian puppeteer who lived alone? Check. Creepy Christian puppeteer who lived alone and served pizzas to the kids in his neighborhood? Check. Creepy Christian puppeteer who lived alone and served pizzas to the kids in his neighborhood and was arrested for, according to the Tampa Bay Times, “conspiring to kidnap a child and possession of child pornography”? Check. Florida, you done it again. “I imagine him wiggling and then going still,” [Ronald William] Brown told an associate in an Internet chat session, describing his plot to kill and cannibalize a boy at Gulf Coast Church. On Friday, Brown was arrested on charges of conspiring to kidnap a child and possession of child pornography and booked into the Pinellas County Jail. U.S. Department of Homeland Security agents who searched his home found lewd images of children bound and gagged, a flier for a missing child and “images of children that appear to be deceased.” According to the affidavit supporting the criminal complaint, Brown told agents that he and Kansas resident Michael Arnett, another alleged child cannibalism enthusiast, “did discuss killing, dismembering and eating” a specific boy at Gulf Coast Church. However, Brown said “it was just a fantasy and he could never and would never hurt anyone.” Brown worked for years for the Christian Television Network in Largo, the state’s oldest Christian broadcasting station. He performed with puppets on a Captain Kangaroo-style show called Joy Junction. In one episode, a video excerpt of which is available online, he operates a puppet that talks disdainfully about how some bad kids tried to show him pornography. (Via) I’d bet my life savings that Brown owns at least three helium tanks, for “balloon animals…yeah….”

Today, I will perform a magic trick for you on the count of 3 your childhood will be ruined. You were innocent, but these animated images were not. Why you so pervy, old cartoons? Ready? 1....2.....3!

Moms are jerks. Need proof? Check out this sign a mother left for her 13-year-old kid regarding his habit of cleaning the custard all over her towels. Forget about embarrassing the kid (who will now think about his mum and that note every time he pounds one out) she’s more concerned with her $5 Target bathroom linens. Also, is the Justin Bieber comment supposed to be a threat? What if the idea of dropping salty yogurt on the Biebs turns this kid on? Mom needs to show a little more class. She could take a lesson from these much classier requests that people stop slinging homemade number three all over the place.

Recently, a Reddit user had the unfortunate honor of being on the receiving end of a scorned young lady who was lashing out at her ex. The problem was, her ex had apparently changed his number. Over the course of an hour, “Kara” sent over 40 messages to a married schoolteacher who was a new mother herself and definitely did have time to council anyone through a breakup. It’s probably a good thing he changed his number because she doesn’t seem to be handling the breakup very well. Here’s her off target rampage:

How do you make Matt Damon even hotter? With the power of a classy black and white photo shoot courtesy of the fine folks at Esquire, that’s how. Matt is currently promoting his new film, ‘Elysium,’ which hits theaters in August. It’s a sci-fi movie about a world where the poor people have to live on Earth, which has become like a destitute ghetto filled with sickness and suffering, while all the fancy rich people get to live on a massive, shiny space station and never have to worry about dying or starving or having to, you know, try. But then Matt Damon gets this awesome robotic device screwed into his body (ouch) that will allow him to breach the rich people utopia and bring that motha down. Damon is featured in the August issue of Esquire, in glorious black and white photos for your viewing pleasure. The interview takes place in Germany, where Damon drinks beer and eats steak (manly!). And we love the opening line of the piece: “Let’s face it, the guy is ridiculous.” Yeah, Esquire — ridiculously HOT.

British diver Tom Daley just can’t stop himself from posting sexy photos on Instagram, and while we’re hardly complaining, we may need to cool off a bit. Does anyone else feel like going for a swim? Tom Daley is a British diver who began diving at the age of seven and became a FINA World Champion at the age of 15. He competed in the 2008 Summer Olympics, where he was Britain’s youngest competitor. He’s also appeared on the reality competition show ‘Splash,’ helping coach celebrities in diving techniques. That’s a lot of success for such a young dude. Now, at the age of 19 (holy smokes), Daley is heating things up on Instagram with tons of shirtless pics to make his fans swoon. He’s been injured a couple of times this year, and while those injuries have kept him from competing in diving events, they haven’t kept him from smiling for the camera, and for that we are so very grateful. Check out some pics of shirtless Mr. Daley below, or head over to his Instagram account for (much) more, including shots of his adorable kitties!

Ann Taylor is a career woman’s fashion brand, but Kate Hudson is helping to inject a little youth and liveliness into its buttoned up and, well, tailored image with her Fall/Winter 2013 ad campaign. The bubbly blonde actress is doing so with her gorgeous smile, her beachy waves, her rich Bordeaux look lipstick, her killer body and her two young nephews. Of the campaign, K. Hud — who has been with the brand since its Spring 2012 line — said, “It’s a little bit about how I live and a lot about how women live every day. As working moms, we’re all just figuring it out as we go, right? But if I were to offer my advice, I’d say, Try to be present. When you’re at your job, be 100 percent committed to it and do the very best you can. And when you go home at night, leave all the work behind and show up completely for your family. That’s the best part of your day, so really be there.”

Being a waiter or waitress can be pretty tough at times. Complaining customers, lame tips– the list goes on. But of course there are the select few awesome diners who actually appreciate their servers (or just want to give ‘em a laugh), and they leave a clever notes on the receipt. Maybe you really took to a waiter’s tan or simply want to show off those fancy shmancy drawing skills. Either way, this sort of stuff might make his or her day! So take a cue from these 11 receipts, and follow suit next time you’re eating out.