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I'm not a fan of Triple H using his new corporate b-hole character to bury midcard faces, but I'll make an exception for The Miz. I mean, Miz seemed to be making an exerted effort tonight to prove he deserves every bit of Triple H poop that lands in his mouth, so who am I to argue? The opening segment started with Miz interrupting Triple H and cutting a "Really?" peppered "angry" promo before Triple H cut him off to drop some truths. Truths like, "We gave you a fair one-and-one match against Randy Orton two weeks ago which you lost in spectacular fashion, and Monday's Miz TV segment was going fine until you insulted my wife apropos of nothing, so shut the f--k up." Watch Miz's face go from "mildly confident by Miz standards" to "Oh, s--t, oh God, why did I raise my hand? I want to sit down." during Hunter's evisceration. It's wonderful. Then Triple H finally lets Miz get a word in edgewise, and the best comeback he can summon is "I should have changed the W to a B, LOL" and Triple H, a man who tears Paul Heyman's shirt off and slaps his tits into oblivion every time he even mentions his children, can't even be assed to get upset. The Miz -- too insignificant to anger the most angry guy in WWE history.

NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is not afraid to lean into pop culture. Whether he’s teaching Uncle Jesse how to play basketball on ‘Full House,’ playing golf with Uncle Phil on ‘The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air,’ appearing on worthless, quickly-canceled sitcoms of the 2010s or simply jumping on the We Hate Lena Dunham bandwagon, Kareem will participate in your popular things and wallow. His most famous contribution to pop culture (you know, besides all the basketball) is still his turn as Roger Murdock, the airplane co-pilot who is also probably Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, in the legendary 1980 comedy Airplane. Randomly, Abdul-Jabbar is now returning to that role in a series of Zucker Brothers/Jim Abrahams-directed commercials for (of all things) the Wisconsin Department of Tourism. OKAY, SURE. It’s a great decision, considering that to date the best Travel Wisconsin advertisement was just a lady with a bunch of leaves on her head. We’ll be sure to share the commercials when they’re available (because everybody loves seasonal Wisconsin footage), but until then, never forget:

The description at Bob’s Blitz reads, “David Zibung, goalkeeper for Swiss Super League soccer club FC Luzern, has his face mashed by Grasshopper Club Zürich winger Izet Hajrovic.” I’m not going to pretend I understand a word of that. Well, I understand “goalkeeper” and “super” and “face.” So I’ll rephrase it to you, the similarly uneducated in the ways of soccer, as “it is super gross when this goalkeeper gets stomped in the face.” Here’s some solid advice: if you are on a field with a bunch of guys wearing spikes on the bottom of their shoes, squared-off nubs they may be, try not to let those spikes get onto/into your face. This is what happens (warning – it’s pretty bloody):

This isn’t new news at all, but like most treasures of the Internet, it’s always new to someone. That said, back in 2011, professional surfer Bruce Irons decided to add a little flair to his routine as he actually attached flares to his surfboard so he looked like he was on fire and being chased by flames while he hit the waves. Earlier this month, the video found new life on Reddit and GIFs of Irons’ flare surfing have become a new hit, as has this video of him explaining to Red Bull where the idea came from. If anything, it seems like a great way to enjoy a rush and fend off testicle-biting fish.

The Tampa Bay Rays, like the Yankees, Orioles and Blue Jays, have been eliminated from contention in the American League East, because the Boston Red Sox steamrolled their way to the current 8-game lead and the division crown. But the Rays at least have their hopes set on a Wild Card berth and right now things are looking pretty good with a 1.5 game lead over the Texas Rangers, who have lost 7 of their last 10. But that still doesn’t mean Tampa can let up, which was evident in the Rays current three-game winning streak that has all but eliminated the Orioles from Wild Card contention. On Friday night, though, the Rays were locked in an 18-inning duel with the O’s and at some point the crazy train showed up to the station, as Luke Scott and Co. got a little crazy in the dugout.

While Mariano Rivera was busy being serenaded by Metallica and cheered and worshiped by millions of people in New York City on Sunday, Colorado Rockies first baseman Todd Helton was driving in four runs to help ease the sting of his team’s 13-9 loss to the San Diego Padres in a duel of two teams just padding stats. However, one Rockies fan helped ease the additional sting of another season with no playoffs hope by showing Helton a painting of him as a centaur. This makes that adorable kid who drew the picture of Starling Marte look like a real amateur. When I saw these pictures last night, I started wondering, “Why do I make fun of Alex Rodriguez for having two huge paintings of himself as a centaur in his home, but I look at this Helton painting and wish someone would make me a centaur?” Two reasons: 1) Alex Rodriguez commissioned his own paintings, which makes him an arrogant douchebag, while someone made this painting for Helton; 2) A-Rod is a massive arrogant douchebag while Helton is only a pretty big douchebag.

I’ve never watched Gator Boys on Animal Planet, because I’m afraid of alligators and I don’t know for certain or not if they have the ability to crawl through my TV like the little girl from The Ring. But I golf quite often and any time I see a gator, I usually run about 20,000 feet in the other direction. So even though this gator that they recently rescued from a driving range was a little on the small side, seeing it spin in circles with its mouth open wide like it was about to bite the big guy’s hand off? No thanks, man. No thanks.

On Wednesday, Napoli’s Lorenzo Insigne (above) nailed a spectacular free kick to help lift his club to a 2-1 victory over Borussia Dortmund in a Champions League match at Stadio San Paolo in Naples, Italy. I’m no soccer expert by any means – and I’m not sure what most of the things I mentioned in that first sentence mean – but a lot of people were really excited about it and I’ll take that as a sign that it was a big win. What’s most interesting about the goal, though, is what happened immediately after the ball made it into the net. Making his debut for Dortmund was goalkeeper Mitchell Langarek, and he posted to Instagram yesterday that the goal was embarrassing for him on two counts: 1) It cost his team the game and 2) It cost him his two front teeth.