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Who knew a guy called “The Dumpster” could have such a sad life? If you don’t remember him, Duke The Dumpster Droese was a wrestling garbage man who competed in the WWF between 1994-1996. He was a wrestler who was also a garbage man. That is literally everything you need to know about him. After his wrestling career became … uh, trash, The Dumpster (real name Mike Droese) tossed around on the independent circuit and eventually took a job as strength and conditioning coach for football at Tennessee’s Warren County High School. He parlayed that into a career as a special education teacher, and eventually parlayed THAT into a career selling drugs to undercover police officers. Something something, the dump. On July 1, according to the indictment, Droese sold oxycodone and buprenorphine. The next day, he again sold oxycodone. Droese was arrested Friday, Matheny said, but he left jail about two hours later after paying a $10,000 bond. Until Droese’s case plays out, he will be suspended from his job at Centertown without pay, Director of Warren County Schools Bobby Cox said. Droese, 45, did not return a call seeking comment on Wednesday. You can check out his mugshot here, and I gotta say, it’s not that much worse than when he was a wrestling garbage man. There’s almost no former occupation that makes you sadder and more prone to being arrested for things than “90s WWF star.” Many of them have died from drug-related issues (RIP Doink the Clown), and God, I wish there were enough miracle yoga programs to make all of them feel okay. If I wake up tomorrow and Irwin R. Sheister has been arrested for tax evasion so he could sell drugs to the Million Dollar Man’s rich kids, I’m calling it quits. Here’s an interesting quote from the Times Free Press, who interviewed a mark cop: “He used to be a wrestler, a very good wrestler,” the sheriff said. “He was in the WWE, and you can look him up on the Internet and watch all his matches. He wrestled with the best.” A few examples:

Anybody who listens to the FrotCast on a regular basis, and doesn’t ignore the one or two episodes that Vince allows me to be on each year, will know that we’ve been hip to the Ylvis scene for a while now. But a lot of people just showed up to the party earlier this month with the release of the Norwegian brothers’ latest video, “The Fox.” Regardless, there’s plenty of room on the bus for everyone, and the Ohio University marching band got in on the action last weekend with their own rendition of “The Fox.” More marching bands should aspire to be this awesome.

Way, way, way, WAY back in January of 2012, when Amanda Bynes was still just that girl we kind of remembered from movies, my UPROXXian friend from another front end, Dan Seitz, brought to our attention the fact that the classic Sega Genesis game Mutant League Football made an appearance in EA Sports’ NFL Blitz. That was it, though, just a simple mention of that old football game on the jerseys of some zombies that you could unlock by finishing the Blitz Gauntlet mode of the game. But now, the creator and lead designer of both Mutant League Football and Mutant League Hockey has launched a Kickstarter project to obtain the funds to bring his horror/pigskin hybrid back from the undead to once again be, um, undead. Michael Mendheim is currently putting together a team of designers to help bring us Mutant Football League, which will be a much bigger, grosser and generally more awesome version of the 1993 game. His reason: Over the last twenty years the press and fans of the original game (and the animated TV show) have kept the idea alive through online surveys, blogs, reviews and articles. Mutant League is always on the top 10 list of games people would like to see remade and for years fans and members of the gaming press have been asking me when the game will be resurrected. While it would have been terrific to work with some of the talented individuals that are still at EA, I must say that we’re looking forward to having full creative control over a NEW storyline, characters and environments so that players can enjoy the absurdly grotesque, tongue-through-cheek, **monster-and-mutant, gameplay experience that we want to make.

It took me five episodes to finally call Ryan Lochte’s E! reality series, What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, a dead fish, and that was being incredibly generous because I wanted to stop watching after five minutes of the first episode. And just as our traffic on my recaps trailed off as fast as the ratings on Lochte’s show, E! has followed in my footsteps and also canceled Lochte’s series. In fact, according to the HuffPo, WWRLD? debuted with 800,000 viewers (I’m guessing at least 30% were ironic) but recorded just 300,000 for the season finale. While E! reps claim that the network would love to work with Lochte again, let’s be serious. There’s no way this guy is getting back on TV unless it involves a swimming pool and the Summer Olympics, dancing with other pseudo-celebrities or starring as ABC’s The Bachelor. I’d also be all for a 30 Rock spin-off called Sex Idiot, but only if it has Tina Fey calling the shots, and I don’t think she’d be interested. So I thought maybe I could help my boy Ry-Lo out with some fresh, dope ideas that he and his manager/black friend can pitch to people in Hollywood.

Boston Dynamics continues to “improve” its Big Dog robot. Not content with giving it an arm for a head that can throw cinder blocks, the Pentagon has asked for the Big Dog to be more quiet. Also bulletproof. OH GOODY. The LS3 Support System, better known to robophiles (as in people who like robots, not our own admittedly highly loveable Robopanda) as “Big Dog”, just got an extra ten million in funding from DARPA. Why? Within the general scope of work of Phase 2, the modification adds additional tasks to the contract for the development of an enhanced version of the LS3 system with increased reliability and usability, enhanced survivability against small arms fire and a quiet power supply to support stealthy tactical operations. Just to review, Big Dog can already do this:

I like Kate Upton plenty as a model, and I LOVE her as a Dougie enthusiast, but after watching this clip from last night’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon her flip cup game is what I respect most about her. She didn’t go to college so what you’re witnessing is sheer drink and flip ability, you see. The best news of all is now when we inevitably hang out for the first time I won’t have to awkwardly segue into drinking games as planned. “Nice dog. Say, do you know what rhymes with hip pup?”

’d argue that few things in the modern world are more hated than the perpetually emoting panda bear we call Drake and ESPN’s Sportscenter, which has sadly become something less about highlights and sports news and some more about “debate” and corporate “synergy,” or something. That said, Drake has a new album out today, as you may have heard, (along with a new video) and he appeared on Sportscenter this morning to promote it, which when you really stop and think about it is just perfect. What did Drake talk about and do on Sportscenter, you ask? Here’s a rundown… 1. How he and Johnny Football are BFFs. “I consider myself a positive reinforcement in his life…I think we’ll be friends for a long time,” said Drake.

The headline makes it sound like they sat down and went over a bunch of paperwork, but trust me, it involves them punching each other in the face. Recently, the NHL’s GMs and the Board of Governors created and approved a new rule that gives players a two-minute minor penalty for removing their helmet before a fight, leaving you with seven minutes in the box; five for fighting and two for unsportsmanlike conduct. They want to curb fighting in the league, and figured two hockey guys were gonna get mad at each other, skate up face to face, decide they don’t want to punch each others’ helmets and, I don’t know, shake on it? Brett Gallant of the New York Islanders and Krys Barch of the New Jersey Devils have almost instantaneously made that rule look dumb as dirt by removing one another’s helmets before throwing hands. Whoops!

The other day, my good friend (we’ll call him Ted Notarealperson) asked me, “Hey Burnsy, what’s with all the Eastbound & Down posts? Are you shilling for HBO or something?” And I said, “No” because I’m just a huge Eastbound & Down fan; however, I’d gladly shill for just about anybody if they asked (especially you, Taco Bell and/or Jeep). Tomorrow night at 10 PM ET, Kenny Powers will make his magnificent return for the fourth and final season of Eastbound & Down, and it will be awesome because this show is simply awesome. But to make his return even more glorious than it already is, Kenny Powers (or Danny McBride to some sticklers) has recorded a series of messages to the fans of baseball's biggest cities, each one more ridiculous and outstanding than the next. So I went ahead and gathered several (or 10) of my favorites and paired them with my equally favorite Kenny Powers fashion statements from the first three seasons.

Did I lure you in with the sexy, racy title? Good. Because that’s not really what happened at all. Last night, the Minnesota Lynx took a 1-0 lead over the Phoenix Mercury in the WNBA Western Conference Finals, and Diana Taurasi led the way for Phoenix in the losing effort with 15 points. However, Taurasi lost her cool a little in the 4th period and shoved Seimone Augustus with her shoulder and the ref gave both women a technical foul. What he missed when T-ing them up, though, was Taurasi immediately showing that it was all in good fun by kissing her longtime rival on the cheek. But obviously, that’s not nearly as cool as suggesting that they kissed each other. The problem with all of it, though, is that the Internet is a horrible, vile place, filled with the lowest scum on the face of the planet, and you can only imagine the YouTube comments that have followed. (Or you can read some here so you don’t have to imagine.)